Hot & Cold.

It must be nice to be the sun, because the sun can't see any of the shadows it casts.
It must be nice to be the sun, because the sun is so far away from earthly issues.
It must be nice to be the sun, but the brightest light makes the darkest shadow.


Smoke drifted into the sky as it came out of the locomotive. The train was already leaving, and so was he, all dressed in his uniform, his eternal sword hanging on his hip. Actually, this was not his mission. He had only been added to it because there was so little information about the dangers that could be encountered. And when there was danger, we always sent him. He was just used to saving the day, like he had already done so many time before. Give him a laugh, come on ! Looking around, he saw no commotion. But then, he knew it was farther away. With a single look at his golem, the false creature started in front of him, showing him the way. That was how he walked into the animated town that was London. Horses nickered, people shouted over some meaningless fruits. Dogs barked, and orphans were stealing in noble’s pockets. Everything was as normal as it could be around him. Children with wide eyes were staring at the flying golem, before running away as they saw that Kanda was following it. Wait. Did I forget to tell you who’s mission this was ? Lavi. Lavi Bookman, who had made himself an exorcist even thus Kanda didn’t really how he had managed such a thing. It didn’t come on command did it ? Yes, Bookman Jr was the name that had escaped Komui Lee’s lips as he had told him about the mission. At first, Kanda had almost refused. As if he wanted to run around with such a crappy fool ! But then, he thought about it, and realized that he wanted to be a jerk and watch over this fucking red head. He could let traitors on his side of the field. It had to be clear. It could’ve been anybody, he didn’t care. Or maybe just a little. But not that much. Not enough. And not when he was in such a bad mood.

Like he often was, yes, I admit.

The golem continued around town, and soon Kanda caught sight of River Thames ; a strip of blue into the far. But he didn’t approach it more, because the golem brought him to a building that looked pretty much like those romain temples. Only it wasn’t. I was the British Museum. Kanda walked to the entrance. A man stop him, thus.

“- Terribly sorry, sir, but you have to pay the entrance.
- Did something strange happen around here ?
- Nothing that hasn’t been taken care of. A nice man came to settle everything out, so you are now free to visit, if only you would pay your entry.
- Are you blind ? Don’t you see what I am wearing ?”

The man looked at his uniform, and soon blushed as he saw the silvery rose that laid on Kanda’s chest.

“- Terribly sorry sir ! I can hardly believe I haven’t noticed earlier ! Please do as you wish ! Your… companion, if I may say, was here only a few moments ago.
- I’ll take a look around.”

Without waiting, he went pass the man and started to explore. Only to see that it was enormous in here, and that he may as well plan his whole day just searching for fucking Lavi. Tch. Footsteps came behind him. The teenager didn’t have to turn around to figure out it was the same man then before, that had probably followed him since the beginning. The man came closer, inspecting Kanda now that he had gotten used to the exorcist’s foul tension, probably. His eyes darted to Mugen, with a mixture of wonder and uneasiness, and then he looked up again.

“- May I offer my service ? Your company has been very kind indeed.
- Hm, I-guess-you-could-help-me-look.”

As soon as the words escaped his mouth, Kanda threw his head back and sighted profoundly. Oh god he was such a dumb-ass. But the man seemed pleased and smiled.

“- Of course sir. Follow me, we will speak with the guards.”

Kanda followed silently.

“- You know, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford. Plus, this museum…
- Yeaaah, shut up.”

They climbed gigantic stairs, coming around many statues. But before they met the guards, Kanda’s golem acted strangely, and started to wonder off on his own.

“Never mind, I go my own way.”

He followed the golem into different rooms, until he almost came running into Lavi. He stop abruptly, his black golem flying around, seeming happy, as if it had a mind of it’s own. If Kanda was not so considerate, and didn’t dislike talking to thing that shouldn’t really be able to think, he would’ve told it to fucking stop prancing like a bird at early spring and to fucking calm down. But he did not, because he disliked it, and because Lavi was here, and seeing him brought to Kanda an urge of disgust that he didn’t try to hide. Then again, it didn’t really differ from the faces he usually pulled. But who knows if he’d notice. He did have the eye to notice this sort of thing, just as any Bookman had.

“Ah, here you are you fucking shithead. It’s a shame I had to come here, but then again, we can’t leave you dancing around on your own, can we ?” He growled those few words. Yes growled, because Kanda can growl. It’s one of his inhuman biological reactions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0G3_kG5FFfQ I need you there when I cry, Kanda.

I hope there are not a lot of mistakes. I guess it is the case but, never mind; I’m not bilingual after all! It’s a real pleasure to write in English, I thought it would be so hard that I could not manage to write a single word. But it seems like words came as if they were …natural. I’m not talking about sense! Coz I think there’s a lot of nonsense… But still, it’s okay, Love ya!

At this moment, Lavi ignores he fell in love with Tasha. I mean, he's actually in love with her, but she makes him forget about their love to protect him. He knows who she is, that's all. He can't remember anything else. Clear? So, let's begin!

ﾕｳ､きみはおれがすきですか｡あの､おれ・･・きみがすきだとおもう｡ Yû, do you love me ? Hm … I … think I love you.
When I’m afraid the better days are never coming again, I imagine your face, and I keep on living.

I want you to hurt me. I don’t want anything else as long as you think about me. Only me.

As he always tried to avoid his nightmares, the young exorcist avoided sleeping too. There was nothing else to do. He knew it was fucking stupid but shut up! When you’re that much desperate you strangely try whatever you think that might work. He was trying his best not to let his soul go cold. The room was drowned by shadows which seemed to dance all over the walls, as if they were monsters. Did they come to take your life, Lavi, as if you were nothing? I wondered … It was very early in the morning and he was supposed to assume his role of exorcist. Just a simple mission but it seemed like he could not anything. As if he lost all his strength a while ago. But Lavi, maybe tomorrow, everything will be fine! I want to cheer you up, you want it so badly, but I know there’s nothing else to hope for. You’ll end up being killed by the monsters you made. He knew it and he wanted to exorcise his own self. He took a knife, his fingers caressing it. His green eye looked at it as if it were the most beautiful present in the world. Then, the blade strongly hurt his right arm and blood ran down on his skin. But it felt so good, Lavi smiled. The young man let the knife fall on the floor, moaning. Pain. Pain. Pain. So good! He’s alive! Definitely alive! God, thank you. But minutes went by and pain disappeared. Here came the shame. Again. He had to go! Escape from here.

Lavi closed the door and knew at that moment he had made a mistake. It was not real. No. It was not. He kept telling himself those precious words but the pain in his dislocated heart was too important to be hidden. Even if he washed his hands, the feeling of blood all over his white skin was still here. He thought that as soon as he was done killing his own demon, the peace would have been complete. He had often dreamed of this, during those deep dark nights. But now he realized how mean he was and how stupid he had been to think that murder would be the best answer to his questions. But which murder? His murder. Or in other words, his suicide. Of course, it was stupid to think about it, because of all the responsibilities he had and all the friends and lovers he obviously loved. But this day it was too hard to keep on living as if he was happy, as if nothing bad ever happened. How could he keep on smiling? Oh come on! Dear God! Stop acting like as spoiled child! He is not going to spend all his sad life running after you, running after your fucking victory. He is gonna die and you won’t cry at any moment. YOU IDIOT.

Lavi suddenly left the house as if he was trying to escape from somewhere. Walking in the street, the pain was here, killing him inside. He was on the verge of tears but he had to keep being hidden behind the fucking mask he made. The young man was so afraid to close his eyes, afraid to see his own horrified face again through the mirror, terrified to be drowned by all these horrible pictures in his mind. He could not stop thinking about this.

“ What the hell am I doing ? ” He said with a painful voice. “ I’m a fucking brat. ”
He added, nearly crying. But no time for feelings! War. War. Only war. Soon, he arrived to the place he had to go. A strange man waved him, and then Lavi smiled automatically as always since he had been enrolled in the congregation. The man told the young exorcist to follow another man who left Lavi soon after. He waited a lot of time the informer in this strange room; he thought it would be a man with no experience, and no innocence. So then, you can imagine how surprised he was when he saw Kanda with his nasty expression on his face. He thought he was dreaming, but no, Komui did it well. He faced what Kanda said, with amusement. But his mind was so confused …

“ Oh come on! Just admit it! Admit that you feel terribly unhappy when you’re not by my side. I know it. I love you too, Yû. But now, stop acting like this. I’m not actually in a good mood, you know. ” He said, with a zombie green look in his unique eye. He sighed. Obviously, Kanda was not going to talk to him nicely and so on. What were you waiting for? A kiss? Oh, come on! Stop thinking about pink flowers in his long dark hair, it's so stupid, and ridiculous! But Lavi couldn't stop wanting to be a real best friend to Kanda, someone that the kendoka could trust. But never mind if he did not want anyone to be close to him, that's fine, Lavi was used to it, so ... Okay. Let's stop dreaming of impossible things. He sighed again before shaking his head. Idea!

“ Wait, I was told that somebody was gonna bring me the instructions, for the mission I mean. Is it you, Yû? Great! Perfect! Seems like destiny want us to be together! Is it not ... delicious? Go, quick, smile! Ahahaha. I did not see anything, but that's fine. I'll make you smile, again and again, so ... Be prepared! ” He laughed. “ So, what are we supposed to do right after? I was waiting for you, don’t disappoint me! Show me all you can do.”

Ahahah. Just teasing.

Your English is very good ! I am happily surprised, this is going to be fun. It’s alright for Lavi’s love. It’s enough ! I don’t really know what Kanda could’ve seen but anyway you can tell me if I say something wrong.

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

How long had he known Lavi ? Long ? Not long ? Everything seemed strangely disproportioned. Everything that had happened in the Congregation seemed to have gone by quiet fast, but his tender childhood was so clear in his mind, it was almost frightful. Pain makes it’s marks, doesn’t it ? That is why he remembers every time he had died, everyday his heart had beaten the life into him, struggling with his immortality to have a little peace. But his body kept on going, and his mind had no choice either. It kept going, as if he was a machine you could easily repare… until it was too broken to touch, and it was dumped in the dumpster. And so he could still see clearly ever part of his body that had been cut off, crushed, and every flood of blood he had carelessly spilled. Yet he was still there, and Alma was still on his mind. Because Alma had hurt him like no one had. Why ? Because Kanda had loved him. Dearly. And his loved had been torn away, crushed, broken, like every bone in him. Like every dream. Like every hope. Everything was gone, because it was dangerous. He had felt pain, loosing Alma. Turning against him to choose life. And he had tried to cry for him, but could not. Because he did not regret. But still it felt heavy in his heart, and he knew better than to make other friends. But than, love is tricky, isn’t it ? It’s a slivery monster, like a snake, that silently comes to you, stings you, and circles you, so that you don’t escape it’s poison. It is a tricky fiend, and Kanda yet did not know he had lost this battle. The first time he had lost. He could not even imagine it. But it was there, close, inevitable, sinking it’s teeth in his flesh, and contaminating every drop of blood.

And it felt so awfully nice.
And it was so lustfully frightful.
And it felt so fucking weird to feel.

But Lust was wandering in his head, lost and insecure, finding his way in the dark. And Kanda was going into the darkness for him. But he didn’t know how, or why. And not knowing was uncomfortable for him. For he always had something to hold onto. A plan. Anger. Hate. But love extinguished his hate, drop by drop on the giant fire that burned in his soul.

Indeed, anger was here. This he did feel. Angry at everything. A dog growling, barring his teeth and desperate to bite. And the feeling did not diminish as he ran into Lavi, and saw the bookman’s face. It still burned him. And it felt nice and warm. Almost cold too. Hot and Cold. He did not really know. But it burned. And this was how he knew he was alive. But he wasn’t just “alive”. He had something to do ! He was an exorcist and that was his purpose. He was specially good at it, good at destroying. He liked what he did. And he didn’t like weak exorcist, and unfaithful ones. And as he saw Lavi, he did not wonder how, what was love ? A snake, a poison ? Yes. But love was also rare. Anyhow, he did not question himself. Had he been put under a spell ? Had he met a witch ? Had he enjoy talking, kissing with the ennemi ? Had he already forgot Hikari ? Kanda had met Hikari. They had talked. Hm, well, they had yelled. She had seemed rather difficult, but she had seemed strong, and Kanda hadn’t question her capabilities. And even thus he didn’t know her more than this, he knew Lavi and found it rather strange that he should forget her so damn easily. Maybe this was his way of forgetting, but to Kanda it showed nothing but weakness.

“Why should you be in a good mood when you’re a fucking traitor ?”

What did he knew about Lavi anyhow ? What if it was nothing more than an impression ? Kanda had nether asked anything of him, and had never looked closely. Did he really think he was his friend, spending so much time that it almost seemed like he knew him by heart ? What if he was wrong ? What if he was fucking stupid ? Anyhow, if Kanda was something, it was spontaneous. Natural. Very natural. But other were not. Other seemed friendly. Social. But Kanda preferred being angry.

“I’m here to watch over you, you brat !”

He grunted as he spoke. His dark eyes inspected the room they had ended up in. There were ancient statues, vases, and carpets. It looked like rubbish to him. Without waiting, he went out of the room, advancing to the other one, inspecting one by one. There had to be something, somewhere. Something that he wanted. Something his innocence might react too. Something that someone else wanted. As he entered a big hallway, he saw people. They were suspiciously silent, but it didn’t occurred to him right away that they might not have been what they seemed. Why ? He was used to fake humans, to akumas ! So why ? Maybe because he didn’t have Allen’s eye, and that, unlike other times, he knew humans were suppose to be here. He had already saw some when he was following the man he had met at the entry. Making sure Lavi had followed, he turned around, fire burning in his mysterious eyes, and growled again.

“Too preoccupied to know what we are doing ? Fucking shit… you call yourself an exorcist ?” The warrior turned his head right and left a few times. He opened his mouth and let air fill his lungs, relaxing himself as he could, as if he tried not to explode. “We told me that this whole building was suspicious ; there’s an innocence. Since you were already here, I thought you would know what else is going on. Since you don’t, get your ass searching and don’t get near me, you bastard.” Get it ?

Kanda could sleep. He could do everything he wanted. He thrashed his way threw. He made his own path in the thorns, he crossed the wild ocean with his arms. He filled the silence with his voice. He imprisoned his feelings with his anger. He could do all this. He could stand the pain. It was natural. As natural as he was. As wild, as frightening. It was who he was. Simply.

He didn’t stop, he kept moving. Left. Right. Front. Back. Steady as the man he was. But unable to stand still. Unable to look at anyone. Only a fast and dark glare. He seemed dangerous. Irritated. As always. Maybe more. He looked mad. He looked really dangerous. And if there were any humans around, they only had to see him to be gone. Kanda left everyone uncomfortable when he looked as he did. You could only get him in two versions ; mad, or quiet. Stone, or fire.

Never the rain. But let it pour, let it pour.


C'est un long fleuve
D'où l'on ne peut pas revenir non
Quand certains désespèrent
Quand l'urgence s'installe
Le temps se fige la folie paraît normale

Mais on préfère ne rien faire
Ne faire aucun effort
A trop faire les fières
On va subir le même sort, comment
Comment faire pour ne pas pousser ce cri
Quand certains ne vivent que pour le pire

Partir là où le devoir m'appelle
Quand la vie n'est plus qu'une âme en peine
Oh rien ici, rien là bas n'est éternel

It’s very short, sorry. I feel like Lavi isn’t the same when I write in English. It’s weird, don’t you think? But it makes me laugh, coz I feel like I discover this character once again. Feels great! Lavi is mine and I’ll never let someone else play him. HE’S MINE. Hum, hum. Japanese again. I’m so proud of it, even if it’s quite stupid. Ah ah!

これは痛い。しかし... .黙れ。It hurts. But … Shut up.

See how I’ll leave with every piece of you,
Don’t underestimate the things that I will do,
There’s a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it’s bring me out the dark,
The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can’t help feeling.

When Lavi saw the look in Kanda’s eyes he suddenly knew something wrong was happening. Could he anticipate what was going to happen in front of his eye? No, it’s not that easy. Life isn't so easy you know, otherwise the words "sadness" and so much more would never had been created. Human creation in order to face the devil. Kanda … Was he angry? Yes of course but I mean, was he angrier than usual? Well, if you focus on his behavior … Yeah, I do think so. Lavi opened his mouth but he couldn’t manage to articulate a single word, as if he was dumb. The red-haired man won’t ever be forgiven; this feeling of impotence was so weird he couldn’t stand it without fainting. Falling into weakness, into shadows, into dark where nothing can be saved, even a tiny light, even a piece of broken hope. It seemed like there were only dark clouds right over their heads and they were going to be decapitated, under such a wonderful eclipse which hides the sun forever and ever. Because nothing good won't ever happen in this world where only occur madness, pain, and war. Where people take blood bath with a heavy smile on their faces, where crimes become more and more commonplace. Can somebody come and put an end at this story which was swimming in nonsense? But he could not see anything through the windows as if there was only rain pouring, but which windows was he thinking about? There's nothing, just the sound of his breathless heart beating. He felt very uncomfortable in here. As if his friend was seeing him as a monster, or at least a weak stupid exorcist. Would it last till the very end? He was looking at Yû; with all the sadness he was able to feel, burning in his green eye. He was so tormented that he felt that no one would never ever understand him. This was the shadow, the shadow of the beginning. Life is so sad when you have already lived few lives.

Have you ever been completely in love with your girlfriend that you knew you want to spend the rest of your life with her? Lavi knew what it was to feel this way, to feel terribly in love that you can’t escape from your feelings. They are like your new master; you listen to them and obey without even thinking of what you’re actually doing. Love makes you blind, it’s not over exaggerated. That was what Lavi was living. Of course, their love was very short but it was so …intense. He thought he wouldn’t ever love someone else as much as he loves HIS Hikari. He was her knight; she was his reason to survive. There was a time he believed he’d live forever, but now … Who cares. He found Hikari, he found his soul-sister. He loved her with all his strength. But the war has caught them up. He lost her and lost his mind in the same occasion. He was tenderly thinking of her all day long and he kept this as a secret, inside of his broken heart. Everybody was thinking that it was like he has already forgotten her, but never mind if they kept thinking that way. The most important was how he was really feeling. He loved her, he loves her, and he’ll love her, till the very end. He did not care about others, he kept thinking of his lost beloved girlfriend. He won’t love anyone else as much as Hikari, he swore.

“What do you mean? What are you talking about? You’re saying such a stupid shit, stop already. I’ll end up being forced to make you even angrier, and you know you’ll regret it. Don’t underestimate me.”

The look in Lavi’s eye was quite rude, his voice too. He couldn’t accept that his “best” friend had dared talking to him like that. The young exorcist didn’t smile. His bad side had taken over the pretty one, and he couldn't fight against it. He was drowned, again, and again. Never mind, a little bit of anger wouldn't hurt Kanda, this super exorcist who felt as if he was that much better. He was accustomed to see it on others’ face! Sadness, pain, let it be. Let it be. The kendoka spoke again and it made Lavi relaxed a little. A little. Oh, come on!

“So it’s okay if I call you Mom? Pretty please!” A victorious smile was painted on Lavi’s lips. He restrained a laugh even if he had to look away in order to calm down. He opened his mouth once again but nothing came out. He was breathless, impotent.

Then Kanda started to move, searching for something in this strange place. The red-haired exorcist followed him, looking at the ground with the taste of shame on his tongue. He did not know why he felt his way, and he did not want to. The young man wanted to stay hidden behind his stupid mask, behind his fucking behavior.

“ Oh come on, Kanda! Relax. You're so stuck. Well I guess I saw some strange things in here. People are acting as if they fear us and their looks tend to fix our innocences. I suspect them to be Akumas. Or impressed by our super sexy bodies. Who knows.” He forced himself to laugh.

Lavi took a few steps beyond Kanda. His face was tormented, his hair hiding his eye. He hesitated a few seconds before saying these words.

“I beg your pardon. For everything I did and everything I’ll be forced to do. I beg your pardon, please. Don’t talk to me about weakness, I already know it. Don’t hide yourself behind your anger coz I won’t bear it. I need a friend, right now. So please, could you be here for me, as a friend I mean. As a best friend. I feel terribly lost; Panda feels the same about me. I feel mad. Since we are exorcists, we aren’t allowed to show our pain. And as a Bookman, I shouldn’t tell you this, I should act like a man. But … Oh … Well. Forget about that. Never mind.” Lavi could not find his words to express what he was really feeling.

Goddamnit.

http://www.deezer.com/listen-693197

I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running

As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying, I'm trying
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold

Until the end, until this pool of blood
I'm trying, I'm trying
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold

But this time, we'll show them
We'll show them all how much we mean
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of every...

All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this

“Try it. See how angry I can get. You’ve seen me, haven’t you ? You’ve feared me the very first time you saw me, idiot.”

They all had. They all had something in their eyes when they saw him. There was never nothing. Even if the emotions were very different, there was never indifference, this he knew. Most of the time it was fright. His strength alarmed most humans, even the immortal ones. But there was also respect sometimes. Then there was hatred. A pretty common thing too. Some were more original ; there was admiration. This he had a hard time handling. And then there was just one more thing ; one he had barely seen before it flowed from Lust’s fucking deep green eyes, as if a light house had just illuminated itself in Kanda’s horizon. And in this light there was envy. And such a desperate sensation of longing, he almost though he’d loose his head. Tch. What a headache.

Exorcism. Akuma. Innocence. This was reality. This was where he was heading. It was the world in which there were both – they were all – sucked up in. It was the constellations circling around they’re little beating hearts. It was life. It was war. Till the end. Since when had Kanda been so fucking proud ? It couldn’t have been a more noble intention, like protection, that made him so mad at Lavi… was it ? He grunted in response to his own thought. Of course he had pride in what he was doing. That was the basis of good conditions. He had to give it all to this organisation, so it could achieve something. He had to make it proud with his own body. Cold body. Hot temper. He knew well that affection was something very deep, very dangerous. He knew well that love was not something to throw around. It was special. It was unique. Awh and look how he’d because so fucking musical. Poor boy. Poor man. Yeah, get your hand on your sword, it’ll make you look fiercer.

“I really want to hit you right now.”

Room after room. People. It sounded so much like life’s routines. But then Lavi broke it all. Why wouldn’t he just leave Kanda to be angry ? It was so much better. But he had to go all sentimental. It gave Kanda ache. It made his head go ‘round. He’d always had more than enough of people’s actions and reactions. Of stupid feelings only good enough to be destroyed. People we’re so good at making they’re lives a fantastic mess. “You’re right, you shouldn’t tell me this. You’re so messed up. And so am I if you want to know, but that’s the only compassion I’d care to give you. What did you expect ? That I’ll congratulate you for flirting with our only enemies ? Of letting such a witch manipulate you in every possible way ?” He faced Lavi and got close enough to grab the silvery rose on his vest. “Being sorry won’t save you. Don’t disgrace you’re innocence.” His gaze was a blaze of fire, as usual. It licked everything it saw. Heating everything. How can I trust you ? Words are so empty. How can I trust you ? Masks only reflect how fake you are. How can I trust you ? How ? How ? How ?

How do you expect me too ?

Trust, love, hate ; it was all overrated. Feelings, thorns in your wings, making your freedom a little more hard to grasp. Of course Kanda wasn’t living just for… living. He had goals. And maybe Lavi didn’t, after all. It was a cause like any other. Maybe that was it ; he was clueless. What did a bookman ? How did he achieve to grow ? Maybe he was trying to grasp life another way, but all the thorns landed on his bare hands, pricking his skin and letting little red drops fall to the ground like if a bloody bracelet had just broken, and the pearl each hit the ground one by one. And he was slowly falling with them.

The kendoka looked at the people again, and unsheathed his innocence Mugen. When it wasn’t activated, the blade was as black as the Noah of Silence’s darkness. The grumpy teenager caressed the flat of the weapon with two fingers. Activation. Bright silver, clean steel. That was it’s new colour. A human twitched, and with a heavy CRACK deformed itself. It’s shaped disintegrated into new ones, more frightening. A bit silly looking... Smiling. And running towards them. A couple of the humans cried and fled. Less enemies. More victims.

It was Akuma who made innocence react, right ?

“Follow me”, Kanda said with a mad, but serious voice. He traced backward from where they had come. He made sure the creature followed, and kept going. He heard artifacts fall as the creature created it's own path in a land of human art he couldn't understand at all. He also kept a steady eye on the things showing around him. At least until everything got covered under a coat of dust and piece of wall... Indeed, another monstrer had made it's path through a wall, and for a moment, a cloud of dust covered the room. Kanda continued, an arm in front of his face. He could feel the room shake. They could only hope it wouldn't fall. Who knew, maybe something would slap Lavi for him.

Quite hard this time. Oh! And … I love Demolition Lovers, makes me cry sometimes.

“ I remember when you told me,
That the world is gonna pay,
But while the buildings will be burning,
All the kings and queens will play.
All our lives will start dividing,
And everything will start to change.
They’ll be no need to keep on running,
Because we won’t escape the blame.

So now all our dreams are broken,
There’s no need to fuss and fight,
It’s all in the hands of angels,
And maybe were through.

I recall the time he warned me,
As we grow we learn to take,
It doesn’t matter how hard we’re falling,
We never learn from our mistakes.
It’s too late to start you’re crying,
When moneys dried up like the lakes.
They’ll be no need to be assertive,
Cos we’ll have lost all sense of gain.

So now all our dreams are broken,
There’s no need to fuss and fight
It’s all in the hands of angels,
And maybe were through.

So no need to ask the question,
The answer won’t make you smile.
It’s time for a change of heart now,
We gotta pull through, we gotta pull through...”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAc83CF8Ejk It’s okay if you reject me. It’s okay if you hate me now. But when you look at me, please, see how I love you. I’ll be your shadow, always following you. I’ll protect you, even if there’s only death waiting for me at the end. I’ll never regret my mistakes, because I did it for you. And you’re the one I love. I don’t want you to feel pain, I’ll endure anything for you, if it’s to make you happy.

Can you hear me? What I’m saying it, I’m saying it for you, because no one could ever hurt me like you did, I won’t ever love somebody else like I did. I don’t love you like I did yesterday, but you don’t care, do you? My heart, my sweetness, I have no eyes to see you right through the rain. My darling, honey, I think of you, don’t give up on me. I think of you, my heart, my sweetness, don’t give up on me. Honey. I don’t want to know about the world, it’s so useless, if you are here with me. Because every single sacrifice I made, it was only for you. Your love is what I ever asked; I’m perfectly fine with it. My love, my sweetness, don’t give up on me, I think of you. When I’m sleeping, I’m only dreaming of you, that’s all. But I can’t see anything, I can’t see anything but you. When I’m in my bed, I’m only dreaming of you, and when I wake up, I’m only thinking of you. Such a beautiful melody can’t throw our hearts apart. We were made for each other, promised for the eternity. Immortal life. Shut the fuck up.
Who was he thinking about? Lavi’s sentimental life was so complicated and he, in himself, did not even know all he was feeling. All this love which was burning in his broken heart, dislocating it with fear and pleasure. As soon as he’ll be done taking part in this stupid war, everything will stop to change. Thus he would be able to sleep without his demons, able to live without make sacrifices. Living without crying. Maybe … One day. Little stars, just dance, all over in the cloudy dark sky, you're not aware. Make humans smile, laugh, surrender. All these little lights, bright, moving all around as if they were perfectly free. But we aren’t free, are we? Be frank.

“There is not much difference between fear and indifference.” He looked at the young exorcist called Kanda with a victorious look in his green eye. A huge smile was painted on his pink lips, revealing his perfect white teeth. Of course it was only to tease his friend, it was such a stupid harassment compared to Kanda’s anger, but still, it was quite funny. Even if it’s a tiny laugh, it doesn’t matter. Being dead doesn’t hurt, but being alive do. So from now on, you have to deal with it. Even if you don’t want to. Of course the very first time they met, when Yû jumped over Lavi and put Mugen on his throat as if he was going to kill him without any hesitation, he was so afraid. Afraid of dying without even know why, without even meet his life. The real beloved one, the 49th. But everybody fears Kanda. Is it what he really wants? Hey Kanda, do you want to be loved? Don’t you prefer it instead? Lavi looked at Yû and then said :

“Go ahead and do it, you want it so badly.” He was facing Kanda very seriously. But at this moment he didn’t even know what his friend was going to say. And that was what made him suffer the more. He needed support, someone he could trust. He thought Kanda was his best friend, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe the exorcist did not ever love, or like someone. Maybe illusions were the only real thing in here. He felt very disappointed but tried to hide it, as if everything was okay, as if he never had a tiny sentiment. “What the hell are you saying?! Whaddya mean at the end ?! I’m not manipulated at all! I trace my own way, that’s all. And I thought you wanted to share it. But now … Shut the fuck up, you fucking idiot. We aren’t friends, are we. ”

He didn’t have time to keep on yelling on Kanda, he had to run after him with all the strength he had in his legs. He caught his innocence which seemed to feel Akumas all around us. Everything was happening so fast that he didn’t have time to think. He was only following Kanda’s hair, taking care of his own health. I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die. But the only thing he was seeing was dust, and dust again.

“Hey Kanda. Get ready. Fire’s coming.” He forced himself to laugh and then activate his innocence, making it create a lot of fire which was growing on the walls, hunting Akumas. He didn’t care if it hurt Kanda, he was so angry and felt as if nothing bad could happen.

Being hidden behind a mask isn’t that bad, when you face Kanda. Everything you build, he destroys it. Everything you say, he doesn’t care at all. You’re nothing and he’s All.

Okay now it's time for some action ! Get ready, dumb head. Oh and, not very long, sorry.

Declare this an emergency
Come on and spread a sense of urgency
And pull us through
And pull us through
And this is the end
This is the end of the world

It's time we saw a miracle
Come on it's time for something biblical
To pull us through
And pull us through
And this is the end
This is the end of the world

Proclaim eternal victory
Come on and change the course of history
And pull us through
And pull us through
And this is the end
This is the end of the world

“Maybe we aren’t.”

The warning was too late. A hot, burning blast came right behind him. He threw himself forward but could still feel the flames lick his pale skin and eat away pieces of his uniform. Tch. Friends. The word rang in his ears time after time. But he would give no answer. He didn’t even ask himself the question. He didn’t know, fuck ! All he knew is that he was mad. He could only feel this. This stingy, burning, hot and cold feeling inside his chest that would never diminish. For so long he had kept everything locked away to leave only indifference, but madness had always been reactive as a striking snake with him. It was part of him. Everything went through his anger. Every last small feeling inside him was the spark that created his hate. Feeling was the greatest abomination for his heart. His meditation wasn’t just for fun. It was very important. But even this wasn’t enough to block everything out. To understand. He rolled on the ground, getting up again, filthy with dust. The air was now warm and dry. Several explosions followed the attack as the weakest akuma were killed. He laughed. A small, sarcastic, very creepy laughter.

“Share your path ?” A broad and scary smile broke upon the man’s lips. “As much as I’d enjoy playing in your little world where everybody laughs all the time, I think I’ll pass.”

How dare he. How dare he opened up to him. HIM. The greatest difference was that Kanda’s feelings were consumed, and Lavi’s were so fucking wicked. How neat were they next to each other. So messed up. Messed up by their endless battles. His search for love was the longest, the farthest, the most tiring and despairing road one could hope for. It was ridiculous. But he kept on living. For the most tiniest hope, he kept on. Standing on his beliefs. And maybe his anger was only taking the place for his grief and disappointment. Maybe. Just maybe. For who knew ? He was strong. Strong enough to fight forever. Strong enough to confirm every last one of his statements. Strong enough.

His burns sizzled with smoke moments before his skins regenerated itself. With a snort, he turned his back and got to the next room. Lavi could take care of them. He continued forward, walking slowly into each room and inspecting several objects. He could hear the fighting behind him and had to take care of a few small akuma himself as he kept going. And then he entered a singular room. The room of Japan. ( Je me suis dis que ça te plairait. ) A particular object caught his attention. Slowly, he approached it. It was a small replica of a cherry tree in full blossom, as we could see in Japan. It was weird to be japonese, and yet to know so little about this country. He had never been there as a kid. Only on missions. He had no homeland. He had no childhood home. But who cared. Not him.

His fingers stretched towards one of the sculpted flowers. As his skin came in contact with it, the flower shrugged and a invisible force pushed Kanda away. It was so strong, his feet left the ground, and he landed on a armor who’s sword pierced his stomach. With a muffled grunt, Kanda managed to stop his body before the sword caused anymore damage. Blood spilled out from between his lips. Slowly, he tried to move forward to get the sword out. But things went too fast again. The innocence, as if feeling endangered, seemed to interact with objects around it, and it’s power infiltrated different things. Two small elephants porcelain sculpture started to grow into life size. The two creature stepped on the things around them, breaking things into small pieces. They charged, smaching walls, to where the akuma were, and to where Lavi was too. Kanda was still trying to get away when the pure white light of the flower touched the armor he was against. It too took life and the sword, still cutting Kanda’s stomach, moved upward, taking the exorcist with him too. The armor grew, taking the size of a very, very, very tall human being.

“Oh, bloody heck !”

Blood spilled from his mouth again as he talked. Changing tactics, he seized the part of the sword that was coming out of his body and pulled on it. His insides couldn’t be worse off anyway now. The elephants were still running, crashing walls down. Their defenses pierced some small akuma. Good. As long as they didn’t ran over Lavi. The samurai armor suddenly moved his right arm, slashing the air with his bloody sword and throwing Kanda away. As he was about to smach into a wall, Kanda moved his feet so as to intercept himself. He did, but his actions often damaged his body. Having a body that could heal often made him do movements other humans wouldn’t do. For example, if needed he could jump from somewhere high, because the broken ligatures in his feet would quickly mend together again. He might have snapped one right now, he wouldn’t know, it was so small, and already history. A hole could still be shown in his stomach when the samurai attacked. It was like if an invisible man was moving behind the armor. A very quick man. Kanda choose not to fall back down to the ground, but pushed himself off the wall, landing on the other side of the room. His blood dripped from his uniform, and scarlet drops fell on the floor. It made Kanda think. If he attacked the armor’s legs, would it still walk ? No, that was a stupid question. All he had to do was to retrieve the innocence, but already the armor was between him and the small flower.

You’ll have to change your plan. There’s no longer Tasha x Lavi. Think of another way Lavi could have betrayed his friends.

Hope you’ll like it. It’s quite strange but I have to be sad to succeed writing in English.

« Keep calm, and don’t get lost in Limbo.»

“At least, it’s clear. ”

Lavi whispered these words as if all the pain in his heart was burning in his throat. Sometimes he felt like he was a masochist, he had to suffer to feel completely alive. Strange, he admitted. It was his own way to keep on fighting and even if Panda told him that what was going on was gonna break him, he didn’t care at all. He was a child who wasn't listening to his beloved parents because he thought that what he was doing was the right thing to do. The metaphor made him smile but it disappeared as if a butterfly had taken this expression and had flown away with it. His attention focused on the present time and made him forget about these thoughts even if they were still hidden in his mind. Lavi’s voice was monochord and strangely serious. He knew that Kanda could hear it but he felt as if he had to say this because if he didn’t, the feeling of anger would have stayed destroying his mind. He wasn’t used to be angry; it was like a bloody fountain burning in his body, making it suffer. He had to throw it away with all his despair. His mouth was opened up but couldn’t manage to articulate a single word. The young exorcist’s heart was pounding so hard that it was like the red-haired man was going to vomit it. He had to keep the control otherwise he was gonna fall down. Lavi sighed and let the heat lick his skin with pleasure and pain. He wanted to be kept warm. Without his innocence he was nothing but a bookman, forgotten by all the people fighting for their lives. And no one will ever dry his tears.

When one Akuma exploded, Lavi was jaded. This feeling was the only way he had found to forget about the vision of Akuma’s soul. All this pain concentrated in one dead body burning in hell’s flames, yelling for help, screaming till death comes. When he had gone to catch Krory, Allen’s eye had let him see what the residuals of their mind looked like. He could swear it wasn’t beautiful at all, it made him sick. But he had to forget about this and focus on his battle. He ignored Kanda but couldn’t stop saying:

“You don’t have to understand. It’s for adults. Real ones, I mean.”

He let Kanda go without trying to stop him. Lavi didn’t want to see him anymore and it was quite odd for him. All the feelings he had put in words were like uncatchable smoke that the kendoka had ignored. A flame was now dancing in his green eye as the young exorcist had decided to succeed defeating his enemies. A carnivorous smile stretched his pink lips. The room was now consumed by the heat and Lavi didn’t mind sweating a lot. Hot outside and cold inside, the red-haired man’s movements did not obey his wishes; it was just automatic defense against the monsters of the Earl. He was so concentrated that he didn’t think about where Kanda could be, what he was doing and so on. It was a blank in his mind, a piece falling and disappearing.

Suddenly he heard a terrifying noise and had just enough time to dodge the elephant, which crossed the room, destroying it. Because he was focusing on the Akumas, he didn’t realize that these two animals had destroyed some other parts of the house.

“What the hell is that?!”

Successfully, all the Akumas got destroyed during the attack so Lavi was now free to find Kanda and get out from here. The young exorcist took off all the dust which was on his clothes and began to walk quickly among the ruins in order to find a way to join the room his “friend” was in. Without even knowing why, Lavi ran with all the force he had in his legs. He finally arrived and saw all the blood which was painted on the room’s walls, falling from Kanda’s body.

“What happened to you?!”

At the same moment, his green eye looked at the human armor and its bloody weapon. Quickly, Lavi made the link. He threw his innocence through the room and it crashed the armor. This movement was so violent that old scars woke up and pain filled Lavi’s veins but he did not scream because he suffered, but because Kanda was suffering.

“We should get away from here before it stands up!“ He made his weapon moved in order to push the armor a bit more. “You’re nothing without me!”

He jumped and joined Kanda, leaning his back against to his friend one so they can ward off blows from across the room.

“Fortunately, it's you, I'd already been dead with all these injuries! Looks like we won't get out from here until we find the innocence. Did you see it? I'll protect you so you'll be able to catch it.”